I have recently been reminded that everything we do, we do by choice. We choose to do things, because …

I am great of thinking in terms of “have to do” and “need to do”. I need to go to a meeting, I have to drive my child to a kindergarten in the morning, I have to take out the trash. It’s easy to not to think why we are doing these things.

I am currently writing my master’s thesis. Why am I doing this? Is it because I need to finish my studies? Is it because I need my master’s degree? I could have written my thesis 5 years ago, why am I doing it now? I don’t see any direct impact it might have, regarding my work for example, but yet I have started to work on it.

So let me try to put it in terms of “choose to”. I choose to write my master’s thesis, because … Not so easy. From nonviolent communication I have learnt to try to make observations (without judgement), but identifying feelings and the needs behind them is very difficult for me. What need I aim to satisfy by doing this? How do I feel about writing the thesis or by not writing it? I instantly start to think about shame, guilt, and other “violent” terms. I think they are not helping me to identifying my needs.

Could it be that I’m not doing this to satisfy any internal need? If this is the case, I should not be doing it all. But I feel excited and happy, so I need to dig deeper. I want to learn. I value knowledge. I also need security. Even though finishing my studies might not have direct impact, I think having a MSc might help in the future, opposed to not having it. However, I think the strongest need in this case for me is the need to achieve something. To create something of value and to learn.

I still don’t know if I was able to identify the most important needs what it comes to writing my thesis. But just thinking about these things makes me feel more empowered and encouraged. That alone is valuable.